When did I get old?

Tonight was Tara's 18th. And it was wonderful. But, I've been thinking. When did I all of a sudden grow up? When did 18 start to be so young? I grew up with these kids. Like literally. Grew up with them. Have known them for years and all of a sudden it's like, why do I feel like nothing you're saying has any relevance to my life? It's not like I don't still love them, and don't still enjoy hanging out with them. But honestly, sitting and having a conversation with them drunk or otherwise. It's like, wow. Priorities have changed. The drama still carries on in your life. And it's drama that really can be avoided. But it's hilarious to watch. And hilarious to watch 18year old boys trying to be smooth. It really is. Give them the time of day though. Just to be nice. It was nice to be out with BFFL and Wife again. I missed them both. And as much as going to town would've been awesome, it was nice to be at a chill house party where we didn't have to move or go anywhere if we didn't want to. It's nice to be home though. So keen for my bed. Also, I have work at 9 so I should get some sleep.

The Family We Chose and the Family We Don't. The Choices We Make, and the Ones We Won't.

Family has always been a big part of my life. Not only because I have a really big family - which includes Aunties and Uncles, Cousins, Great Aunts etc. - but because I've always been really close with my immediate family. Ever since I can remember, I remember my Dad and I sitting up till ridiculous hours of the morning then, even at the age of 2 or 3, talking. We would just talk. For hours. And topic hop. And keep going until Dad would pour me my last glass of coke and say, "Jesus, look at the time it's 3am already" have his last smoke and put me to bed.
So naturally, coming to another country where all you have is your Dad's sister, Her Husband and your 2 cousins was a sad thing because I was leaving behind all the millions of family and friends I had back home. But starting to grow up and become close to friends in high school I realised, you can choose your family too. And the majority of the people I consider my family now are people I went to high school with - it still sounds so strange talking about high school in the past tense.
Now, I was going to have a rant about my Dad's sister right now. And about how, she's blood related. Which quite frankly I think gives her obligation to care about me. While I was in hospital only she came to see me, not even her husband or the kids. Only she did and why, because she was dropping my cousin off at school which was down the road. She said as much. At the time I was happy she came to see me, I was grateful. Even if it was just for 10mins. She came. But the more I think about it, the more I feel that it wasn't enough. No she shouldn't have felt obliged to come see me because she was family and because she happened to be in the area. She should've come to see me because she wanted to. And because she was genuinely concerned about me. But they never did. And still, having being out of hospital for over a month now, none of them have come to see me. Or bothered to ask how I'm doing. This, unfortunately is the family you can't choose but I have to live with.
On the other hand, I'd like to talk about my brothers. Kyle, Clayton, Lloyd, Erwin. I have others. But these boys are truly amazing. And a lot of the time I really don't let them know how much I love them and appreciate them for what they do for me. They will literally drop everything for me. As much as a bitch and moan about how useless they are at communication and organisation they always manage to think of me when going places and I always have a good time with them. I know they will always have my back and look out for me. I know that no matter how late I can call any one of them and they will come get me from where I am. They love me unconditionally and I couldn't ask for anything me. This is the family I can choose. This is the family I did choose and I'm so glad I did. I thank God every day for allowing them to be in my life.

Now. Onto a totally different topic altogether. My health. I have decided I am taking control over this ridiculous weight gain problem. I know, for the most part, I have nothing to do with it and no way of controlling it until my medication is finished but this is just actually getting ridiculous. Starting from tomorrow I am taking a stand and talking control over what I eat and when I eat it. I'm not going to binge on things. I am not going to eat things I don't need. I am going to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. And maybe a small snack - being a fruit or some form of actual food - every 2 hours. I am going to drink a glass of water at least every hour. I am taking control because I do not want all this swelling to go down only to find that, oh hey. You're still fat. So this is happening. I'm becoming the new Cassie. And I am going to be even more awesome than before. This is happening folks.

Uni - Week 1

My first week back at uni as started off quite well I think. I'm up to date by like a week in advance with my readings. And all the important dates are penned into my diary. I even have a new back pack. And my classes so far have all been pretty awesome. The majority of my papers this semester are my English papers:
- Life Writing
- Travel Writing
- Screen Fictions (which I guess is both an English and Media paper since it's really about putting stories/novels/texts onto film).
My other paper is my elective - Systems of Healing - which is an anthropology paper. It deals with the healing systems of other cultures. It's pretty interesting so far but it has a lot to do with the medical side of things and it's taking a while to get my head around the medical concepts and vocabulary. But I'll get there. I'm being a fully fledged nerd this year. And I actually don't mind. It feels good to get ahead of things.

I'm actually quite excited about my writing classes though. Travel Writing seems really interesting. Not at all what I assumed Travel Writing to be about. And Life Writing is quite different to what I expected it to be. I'm quite excited for this year, no matter how busy it's going to be.
Also, as much as Thursdays are my longest days at Uni it's pretty chill because I have both my writing classes on it. So it's not very stressful at all.

Tonight I'm going to Chloe's drinks. Not that I'll be drinking, but it will be nice to just chill with everyone for a while. Besides, I haven't seen Chloe in ages. And tomorrow I have a day off Uni so why not.

Colonoscopy #2. Done and Dusted

Good day friends. My Colonoscopy this morning was a success. Obviously since I've woken up from it. There were a few complications at the beginning, namely the Anaesthetist couldn't find any veins in my left arm because I hadn't been able to eat anything the day before and obviously I hadn't been drinking enough fluids so they'd collapsed. However, he managed to find the vein in my right arm as expected. So now I'm a bit more holey than I expected to be. Went in at about 7.30 and woke up at 8.45. Got given a sandwich and a cup of coffee. And then waited for Mam to get me. From there we went to get a blood test. They had to use a syringe to get the blood out of my left arm seeing as they couldn't use my right. My poor veins, seriously. Then we went to get breakfast and from there to get library books for me and ingredients to make a trifle. And now I'm just relaxing because I'm still feeling a bit groggy from the anaesthetic. Might go have a sleep or something after because we woke up at 5.30 this morning...
Anyway, Dr. Wallace said I don't need to get anything Infleximab infusion, thank God and that all is going well in wee bowels. I'm staying on the Asacol and Azathioprine for now and the Prednisone till that's finished. I go down to 20mg tomorrow. YAY!

Satisfying Pain

So, day two in the 'Being Healthy and Fit and doing 3 Minutes on the Ab Circle Pro' tally. And it's safe to say I'm in pain. My legs and shoulders and neck. Which are weird places to be in pain, since my stomach muscles should be sore. I lowered the ACP today though, because I think it was too high and I want to work out my stomach, not my legs. But the pain is good. It means I'm at least working some muscles. I still need to get togs though, need to start swimming. Also, I'm not actually as hungry as I thought I'd be today. I'm just dreading taking the Picoprep because I can't remember how it tastes and I have to drink it warm. And I think it gives me diarrhoea so yeah. Not looking forward to it. But it must be done.
Just planning on keeping myself busy today to keep my mind off food. Might stay away from the TV. Might go put a load of washing on.

Getting Back Into The Swing of Things

Today I woke up early. Like 5am early. I'd originally gotten up to go to the bathroom, which I did, and was still tired but when I got back into bed and saw the time I was like oh. And then I couldn't get back to sleep. I kinda just lay there tossing and turning till about 6.30 when I decided that was a suitable time to turn the light on and continue reading. I couldn't really keep my eyes closed after that anyway. Finally got out of bed at 8 and made breakfast. It's like 10 to 9 now and I have nothing to do already so I'm going to draw out my Uni time table properly so I have a general idea of how things will go next week. Turns out we do start on the 27th and not the 28th like the Massey Website said. Which is a relief and makes a lot more sense. So I'm a lot less confused and stressing out a lot less. However, I still need to see whether the stream site is up and running properly because when I checked last night none of my classes where up which is really unhelpful.
Anyway, the plan this week coming is:
Monday: Chill at home. Prepare for the operation on Tuesday and do general house work.
Tuesday: Have my operation. Get bloods done then spend the rest of the day sleeping/recovering
Wednesday: Hopefully I'm well enough to work Wednesday afternoon/evening
Thursday: Go into uni and get anything and everything I need. Go across to the mall and finally find a damn pair of full togs that isn't worth the Earth the buy. And buy a few other trinkets. Also, potentially have lunch with Dom if he's free.
Friday: Hopefully work again
Saturday: Maybe work and then maybe go to the movies with Tez
Sunday: Maybe work.
And then Uni starts back up on Monday so all will be back into the swing of things.
I'm actually so excited to get back and start learning things again.

Little Miss Piggy

Apart from the fact that I am not a Blonde Muppet character I could easily pass for Little Miss Piggy's twin or something. The hair is the same, the face is the same, all I'm missing the the nose. I have quite literally GORGED myself on food today. I'm not even going to try to hold my stomach in because there is way too much food in there. And I really need to stop eating just for the sake of it. Apart from having an entire big breakfast at lunch which I finished entirely I got home not too long after and had pasta. And then after that stuffed myself on chips and chocolate and then not long after that had dinner. And now I'm absolutely stuffed and all I wanna do is lay down and sleep because it hurts to move. Starting next week when I will buy a pair of suitable togs to swim in I will be going to the gym at least once a week to swim because this stomach situation is getting ridiculous. I am getting older and I can no longer rely on just EH that I'm going to stay this tiny. So I'm going to do something about it to ensure that my flab at least turns into some kind of muscle. I need to do this for myself.